Every (involved in parenting) parent knows their child like no one else (unless it’s a teenager, it’s more complicated there).
But the question arises: does the child know their parents? What does the child think about his/ her parents?
There are many projective techniques such as “my family”, “nonexistent animal” and so on. But these techniques mostly require professional interpretation.
What I want to propose today does not require interpretation or even additional materials. I propose to ask the child a few questions that will help him/ her to DISCOVER himself/ herself in his/her eyes.
Ask NOT about both parents at once (one day mom asks questions, and after 5-6 days dad can ask questions or vice versa).
I publish 20 questions, but it is important to focus on the age of the child (suitable for children from 3.5 years and older) and for example, children up to 4-5 years, it is enough to ask 5-7 questions, because 20 – it is too much for them. Or maybe a little, it all depends on the child’s individual development.
Therefore, SELECT those questions that resonate with you and the answers to which will help you find out what the child thinks of you
1. What does mom/ dad often tell you?
2. What makes mom/ dad happy?
3. What makes mom/ dad upset?
4. What does mommy/ daddy do that makes you laugh?
5. What did mom/ dad look like when mom/ dad was a little girl(s)?
6. How old is mommy/ daddy?
7. How tall is your mom/ dad?
8. What is your mom/ dad’s favorite thing to do?
9. What does your mom/ dad do when you are not home?
10. If mom/ dad became world famous, what would it be?
11. What does mom/ dad do best?
12. What does your mom/ dad do poorly?
13. What is your mom/ dad’s job?
14. What are you proud of your mom/ dad for?
15. What is your mom/ dad’s favorite food?
16. What do you like to do with your mom/ dad together?
17. In what ways are you and your mom/ dad alike?
18. If mommy/ daddy were a cartoon character, which one would it be?
19. What do you and mom/ dad have that is different?
20. How do you know that mommy/ daddy loves you?
PHRASES THAT ARE IMPORTANT FOR EVERY CHILD TO HEAR
It is important for a child to know that he is loved and understood, he is valued.
Phrases can help with this:
❤️ am very happy to have you
❤️Dad/ mom and I love you very much, you are our son/ daughter.
❤️ am very sorry..
Phrase sharing pain/ hurt/ sadness/ sadness:
❤️ am big and you are small
❤️ am parent, you’re a child
Phrases about hierarchy:
❤️ love you for what you are
❤️ am proud of you
❤️Did I tell you today that I love you?
❤️Уou can do anything you set your mind to.
Don’t stop – do it, I’ll support you (we’ll support you).
❤️To make a mistake – it’s okay, all people make mistakes.
If I make a mistake, I can always correct it or apologize to the person it affected.
❤️You are very important to me.
❤️Be yourself, you are beautiful
❤️Your opinion is very important to me
❤️ am sorry
❤️ You can always count on me.
Did you hear any of these as a child?
Add this list and let your children know that they are important, loved, will always be heard, supported and paid attention to!
Yours, Anita Vayakanti,
Child psychologist and art therapist
