Article author:
Anita Vayakanti – a child and perinatal psychologist, art therapist, Master in Health and Development Psychology.
Every parent wonders how to support their children, what to tell them, how to help them reduce stress and get through their emotions. This is especially important in today’s war situation. Adults need to “work” in the moment with the fear of loud sirens and explosions to help children cope and protect their fragile psyche as much as possible.
We hope that the war will end soon, but more than 300 days have passed, and the terrible sounds continue to be heard at night and in broad daylight.
What can we do in this case? How can we help our children react more calmly to the air-raid alarms?
Now it is more like retraumatization for children. Especially for those who have gone away and come back home.
Below I offer a few ways that “work” and can help you and your children ⬇
What can be done?
1. Change your attitude toward the siren ?
The siren is not about danger, it’s about protection. The siren is a sign that our defenders are going out there to do their work and to do their duties, and we must not disturb them, so we have to … (tell the child the steps you have to do during the siren).
2. Change the attitude towards the sound itself ?
– You remember what the siren means, right? Our defenders are coming out to do their work. Let’s make up a song with you to thank them. And we’ll sing it during the loud sounds. What kind of song could that be?
Make up a song and sing it (doing the steps you have to do during the siren).
3. Play “orchestra” ?
If a child has become afraid of loud sounds in general (and this happens now too, and unfortunately, it is not uncommon), then you can periodically suggest that he/she “plays in an orchestra”, where he/she will be the main conductor.
You will need any objects that can make loud sounds: pots and spoons, lids and sticks, etc. At first, the child controls the “musicians” i.e. family members who will “play” in this orchestra. And then he/she can become a “musician” himself/herself.
Themes of compositions can be anything:
– A song of joy;
– The family anthem;
– Protector’s song;
– Favorite song from a cartoon, etc.
When the child controls (conducts) the process (making loud noises), he/she automatically distances himself/herself from fear and finds resources to control it.
4. Magical Silence ?
For preschoolers, this exercise is great. Invite your child to imagine that he or she has met a wizard, who in turn gave him or her a certain object that transforms all scary and unpleasant sounds into non-scary and ordinary ones. Ideally, you can buy something in a store (a toy, headphones, etc.) and hide it at home, and encourage the child to think about this object and offer to look for it. Or you can draw/stick or find such an object (from the existing ones) at home.
When the object is found, you can try to turn on some unpleasant sound (but not a siren, at least not immediately) and draw the child’s attention to the fact that it is not scary. You can stomp together or throw something that sounds (but is safe) on the floor and laugh.
Further, when the child hears the air-raid alarm, it is possible to return him/her to this state of safety by suggesting to use a “magic object”. It is even better to combine it with the first and second points above.
That is: air-raid alarm –> the defenders come out there to do their work and we do not disturb them –> we sing a thank you song –> we get the magic object.
5. Always be close and in tactile contact with the child ???
The child should not be alone (ideally of course) when he or she hears the siren. An adult should be there for him or her. Someone who will say, “I’m here. We’re together. You’re safe.”
6. Spelling out feelings ?
Don’t leave your child alone with his or her feelings. If you see that the kid is afraid, give him support: “you were scared when you saw/heard…” “I’m here”, “we’re together”, “you’re not alone”.
7. Suggest stomping/ jumping ?
During stressful situations, it is important “to feel our feet” because they are our support. There is a reason for the phrase, “the ground is out from under our feet”. What does it mean? It is about fear, panic and anxiety. And in order that “the earth did not go away,” the child should feel it – confidently stand on the ground. So you can offer your child to stomp hard (you can also sing a thank-you song).
8. Visualize a plan of action during an air-raid alarm ?Many children find it easier to perceive information visually. In fact, when you have a plan, it’s easier to live peacefully. And if this plan is also drawn…
You can make a reminder together for the whole family (or just the child): “what we do when we hear the sound of a siren” and draw everything step by step (colorfulness and cartoonishness are welcome).
9. Read and make up stories about loud noises ?
You are welcome to make up such stories yourself WITH your children. There is a video fairy tale about fear of loud noises on my @silaskazki (інстаграм) profile, it’s about domestic sounds rather than military sounds. But the tale is beautiful and kind, so I recommend watching it and discussing it.
Also, @silaskazki (інстаграм) profile has 19 therapeutic tale videos and many text-based therapeutic tales to read. Read, discuss and release fears❤️
Hugs and best wishes to all for a peaceful sky above you!
Yours Anita Vayakanti
